I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
