He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
