planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
