Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
