i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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