it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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