I want to have your abortion
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
