I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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