What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
