I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
