There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You smell like stripper and shame
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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