Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
