Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
