I must be too annoying 4 u.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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