im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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