It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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