i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
