you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
