i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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