Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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