When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
