You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
