hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
