I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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