my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
