Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
