I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
