My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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