How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
