Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Of course I have a pirate flag
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
