My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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