What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
