im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
