the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I need moral support for this bender
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
