Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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