so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
