I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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