I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
