I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
