i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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