grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
