i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Randomize
