I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
