it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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