just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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