You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
