At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
