i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
