I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
