He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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