Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
